1,000 Paper Cranes: Day 1 (and 2?)

I thought I would start off strong, fold for hours, and produce great results.

I was wrong. Crane count: 2.

But it ended up working out perfectly for me, in a way.

I chose to come out of isolation and socialize instead. I spent quite a bit of time with two people who are important to me, laughing and enjoying ridiculousness. It felt divine.
How long had it been? I don’t even want to guess. I was just happy to lay aside complicated history and current circumstances and self-doubt. I was happy to just be, with people who knew me. The deep thoughts from that day and the conversations of the next are exactly what I wanted while folding.

It’s after 4am, I’ve got a single song on repeat, and I’m ready to spill my guts

I was in a call with my adopted daughter, describing a friend of mine who passed away before my daughter and I met. She spoke three words that linger in my mind.

That’s True Love

True love. They say it, they sing about it, but how often does anyone actually know it? Have I? Whether platonic or romantic, was it, in fact, true love?

Yes, I’ve had it.

Anyone who knows my past would think I was about to talk about that one guy I couldn’t fall out of love with for fifteen years. And yes, I loved him. I loved him to an insane degree. I poured my soul into him, believing his was my mate. He seemed to feel the same; I was still in his heart. The intensity of our connection was something all could see. Surely this was true love?

Close, but not quite. From the beginning, I put this man on a pedestal so high that I couldn’t quite see him. I took what I saw and filled in the rest with legend. I believed in my story, sang it up to him and made him believe it, too. Yes, I loved him deeply, madly, but it was not true. It was a combination of him and my own design.
And he, he loved me, at least what he could see.. but much of his focus was on the serenade. He loved my story, but his love wasn’t true. He loved only the legend and the mind that made the lie.

So many lies with so many guys.

But one man stands out. He knew me, I knew him. We may not have known all the details, but they didn’t matter – we were friends and loved each other unconditionally. We loved what we could see and what we couldn’t. We loved what we agreed on and what we didn’t. We loved all versions; past, future, and present.

That’s true love.

Years after he has passed, I still feel him with me. True love that lasts beyond death.. It exists, and that means it is possible again.

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Thank you, my friend. Although you’re gone, you’re still the one I lean on.

1,000 Paper Cranes: Preface

A few days ago, I was sitting in my room, feeling very single, when it hit me – a thousand paper cranes.

A belief exists that a person will be granted a wish if they fold one thousand origami cranes. Do I believe in such things? Not exactly. Am I skilled in origami? Not at all; in fact, origami is very difficult for me and will likely hurt my hands quite a bit. I don’t even really have the money for the paper.

So why?
Honestly, sometimes, beyond all reason, something just feels right.

So, I’m going to fold 1,000 paper cranes, and I will wish for love.
I don’t know how long it will take. I don’t know how much pain it will cause me. I don’t really expect anything to happen at the end of this all. I am curious how it will all turn out. What emotions will I go through? How much effort will I put in each day? Will I start believing? With I find the hope I’ve lost somewhere along the way? Will I change my wish at the end? Will I even finish?

Only time will tell.

It all starts tomorrow (today)!