Isolation

I have been isolating more lately, and though I wish to feign ignorance, I cannot. I know exactly why.

People have different definitions of friendship. For some, playing games together is enough reason to consider others friends. If they enjoy time together, they have a friendship.

I’m sorry, but it’s just not the same for me.

Anyone who knows me, knows that if I care, I’m all in. The same goes for friendship. We don’t have to talk everyday, but I do have to feel a genuine bond with someone to consider them a friend. They have to be someone I think about when they’re not around. They have to be someone who shares a little of their soul with me. If I feel connected to a person, I will give my all to be there for them, with them.

But if I don’t feel connected, they simply fade away.

I still see them around when I have the energy for groups, and I enjoy their company. I don’t just stop caring. If anyone needs me, I’m still here. But… I’m not going to lend my energy to the superficial if I can’t get to the layers beneath it. And I *know* that no one can be everything to everyone, but I don’t need everyone. I just want a few deeper friendships. I want even a fraction of that love and support that I offer.

But it’s hard. It’s hard because more and more people seem to only be interested in the other type of friendship. I have a couple of real friends, but they, too, isolate or are busy and are so far away, and I just

wish

that I could have someone here who made me feel like doing things with them was better than doing them by myself.