I wanted to tell you about my pain,
But I deleted it.
I wanted you to understand the invisible struggles.
I wanted you to see me.
But what can I say? What can I do to make it click?
Facts? Memes? An outpouring of emotion?
Shall I cry, scream, beg?
Shall I draw it, write it, sing it for you?
How do I make you see
This invisible disease?
If I could let you feel it…
For only a moment…
I wouldn’t.
So I’ll keep wearing my smile to hide gritted teeth.
I’ll continue to laugh to keep from screaming.
I’ll watch heartfelt shows, so I can live and love
Vicariously.
While grieving my potential.
While mourning the person
I used to be.
But don’t worry, because I still notice the ocean,
The flowers and the trees,
I still breathe in Autumn air, feel the Spring showers,
And watch Winter’s snow.
Though Summer may make me
Immobile and weak,
I still watch children playing,
With a smile.
I cherish these moments,
Knowing I may not be present
For the next.
![](https://yellingtomyself.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/blessings-in-the-curse.png?w=793)